Not Me Monday (3)

Welcome to Not Me! Monday, where we can be brutally honest with each other, and live to tell about it. We all take shortcuts in life and so many of us moms think that if we admit to it, then we will not be the supermoms everyone sees us to be or expects us to be. Well, here is the place where hundreds of us are not exactly admitting to our shortcuts as almost a form of therapy. MckMama started it all here, on her blog. Join in, learn how and to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

1. I was horsing around with Jack and while I had my back on the floor, I hoisted him up on my feet to do the "helicopter ride". He's finally big enough for me to do this kinda stuff with him, and of course it was "do it again, Mommy" over and over. Finally, I thought it would make a fun photo for my 365 blog. That was until I saw my legs in it... because of course I shave my legs EVERYDAY now that I work from home full time, hardly ever go anywhere in anything but pants because it's oh, about an arctic 11 degrees here! So, obviously, I did not crop out most of my legs in the shot so people could not decipher just how long it's been, like rings of a tree.... not me!

2. I am not still listening to Christmas music because the CD's are still in the stereo and the kids always ask for it. Jeez, it's nearly February. Not me!

3. My son did not point out my dirty floor to my friend (with grown children) during lunch Saturday. Because of course, after having a crawler who wouldn't walk until she was 15 months old and even then, not 100% of the time, I am not taking a break here and there from having to keep the floor food-friendly.

4. My baby daughter let several rather unpleasant bouts of gas just rip during a quiet, intimate memorial service Wednesday. And I did not wave my hand in front of my face nor shake my head at her just so everyone that heard (and smelled nearby) would know that it was not me (seriously, it wasn't me, it WAS her and it was pretty mortifying!)

5. I don't think there is a rule that I have to list 5, but I usually do. I can't remember what 5 was supposed to be. I've been doing this all week.... I almost only had 3. But it's pretty funny that since I've been doing my NMM, I have been hearing the narrative of my blog posts in my head while I'm going through the actions thinking "yep, this is going to be one for NMM...ugh...."

Not Me Monday (2)

(If you don't know what Not Me Monday from MckMama is, check this post.)


1. I decided with this nasty cold weather we're having that it was high time to bust out the massive ham bone from Christmas out of the freezer and make a yummy soup. Mind you, this was from a 20 pound ham, a WHOLE ham. The bone was waaaay bigger than I remembered and not only did it not fit into my largest stockpot, but it wouldn't come close to fitting in the crock pot either. The bone was at least 1 1/2 inches thick. My wheels went to work. Of course, this did not lead me to the garage full of tools where I might find something to improvise with. And I did not proceed to clean the blades of our tree trimmer and then with everything I had, snap that bone in half. Nope, not me. Man that soup was good.

2. My mother in law brought over a bag of pre-popped kettle corn from Sams on her weekly Wednesday visit. I was skeptical because I make sure the kids eat very healthy and I thought it was probably loaded with sugar and fat. Surprisingly, it wasn't all that bad and you could eat a hefty 2 cups for a serving. I should have known better than to ever have tried that stuff. It was the tastiest blend of crispy sweet and crunchy salty goodness. I have never been one to binge on anything (that is not a facetious statement, I really mean that). About 10 minutes into that bag I did not look down at it and realize that about half that bag was missing. Because like I said, I'm not one to do that. Ever. Not me.

3. I did not bribe my son to sit on the potty in exchange for playing games on my iPhone. Couldn't that really screw him up? Well, you wouldn't catch me doing that. hmm, mm. Not me.

4. My cable news addiction has not returned with a fever pitch leading to the big party Tuesday night. And I absolutely have not googled 24 hour coverage of the inauguration. I also have not thought of several dinner dishes for Tuesday that would include red white and blue. I'm not THAT excited. Not me. Besides, that would make all our republican friends and family just disgusted.

5. I did not begin this week putting plastic covered training pants over the kids' diapers at night so I don't have to change the sheets every morning (including ours) any more. That might be considered lazy parenting and I would die if someone thought that. I'd bet (because I've NEVER actually seen this, but I'd bet that GG's little bubble butt would look pretty funny!) I have to admit, though, the damn diapers are just not holding up anymore to the 12+ hours of sleep. And it's not the greatest way to wake up when a little one crawls into your bed in the morning sopping wet.

Not Me Monday (1)

You can see the complete rules for "Not Me Monday"s here at MckMama's, and about 400 other bloggers' NMM's, but I thought I'd give this a whirl since my friend Lara was brave enough to try it, too!

What is "Not Me! Monday"??

This is how MckMama put it:
"Are you feeling ashamed for letting your child go to bed without brushing his teeth...again!? Did you eat a Snickers bar during a meeting without anyone knowing? Are you feeling embarrassed that you kicked the dog? We'll don't be. Not Me! Monday was born out of a desire to admit some of our imperfections and reveal a few moments we'd rather forget.

Why?

Well, for one, because it's just plain fun to pretend that we really did not do the things that we actually so did do. And, two, because reading through great tales of other people's Not Me! Mondays each week is a great way to level the playing field. We're all human, we all take embarrassing shortcuts, and so we may as well show each other that we're all in good company!"

However, with caring for two very little children for roughly 65-70 hours per week (yes, I adjusted for the hours that Pepe is here) and then another 40 with my grown up job, I may not actually post this ON Monday, but I'll try my best to get it on here at some point in the week (I'll cheat and post date it for that Monday though). You must know, however, this is excruciating for me because of my "A-type" personality, and admitting my faults and embarrassing moments is like having my fingernails slowly removed. Hopefully, though, this will be therapeutic in helping me to relax a little about things and become more open and less perfectionistic. (yeah, right)

and now.... for my FIRST Not Me Monday (deep breath, swallow pride).....

1. We moved our fridge from the garage over the weekend and put it in the basement to have a more convenient place for drinks and ice and such nearer to the bar. We discovered a big box of Russell Stover's chocolates in the drawer that we'd forgotten about. This was from my baby shower from GG when we did the "sugar and spice" theme. Everyone knows that she's 16 1/2 months old now, so you can do the math. Granted, they looked perfectly normal. But of course, I did not dive right in, nor have I been rationing myself ever since. Not me!

2. When I went to the dentist and they asked me how I was feeling after a few minutes of administering the gas, I was not already thoroughly enjoying it and I did not reply "this is SOOOO worth every penny, hahahahaha!". And then, when they asked me if I was feeling okay after I could tell they turned the oxygen back on, I did not say "do we have to stop? Do I have to go home, is that all, are you sure?" I didn't say that, Not me!

3. We had the most amazing ham ever for Christmas dinner. I cooked a 20 pound ham from my parents farm, pretty much organic, no antibiotics, no bad feed, humanely killed, etc, etc, and we used an Alton Brown recipe that was UNbelievable! Anyway, I'd frozen some leftover slices and was on the very LAST one when I decided to make a ham, egg, and cheese grilled sandwich using range free eggs and soy cheese. I go into all this to illustrate just how important this sandwich was to me. You must understand that on any typical day, I take 5 seconds to pour a couple of healthy brands of cereal into a bowl, douse it with soy milk and run to my computer to get some work done while the babies are napping. So this was an extremely rare occurance for me to actually COOK my lunch. The children were finally snoozing and the house was quiet, the kitchen smelled of warm Christmas ham all over again. It was shaping up perfectly, with the egg just the way I like, seasoned to my delight, bread toasted just enough, cheese beginning to get soft and melty... mmmmm.... I moved all the elements to my plate with the spatula one by one, and then finally, the pièce de résistance... that scrumptious thick slice of warm ham..........
slips off the damn spatula and falls *SMACK* on the floor! You obviously know what I did not do next. Not (munch, munch, munch, mmm) me!

4. I did not put off taking down the decorations until the 10th of January. (That would be a total of 7 weeks exactly that the dried up prickly tree was up and I would never allow that to happen!) Not me!

5. I did not restart the Baby Einstein "First Signs" DVD a second time so that I could finish checking work emails. I would never allow my children to watch THAT much educational television! Not me!